The Trouble With Goodbye Read online

  “What are your plans for lunch?” she asks, then glances at her phone. “It’s almost noon and I already told the girls I’d bring you to lunch at Mandy’s.”

  I’m annoyed she already made plans for me before she even asked, but how could I say no? It’s not like I have anything else on my schedule. “Sounds fun,” I say, doing my best to infuse some excitement into my voice.

  It’s not that I don’t want to see the rest of my friends. I do. It’s more that I can’t shake this everlasting feeling of disappointment and sadness. So far, being home has only made it worse. I feel restless and displaced. Not exactly a recipe for fun times with old friends.

  I agree to go because I know I can’t sit here in my room for the rest of my life. Eventually, I’m going to have to show my face in this town and hope I can figure out where I fit in after all this time. No use putting it off.

  My grandmother used say ‘Fake it ‘til you make it.’ I decide to take those words to heart as I follow Penny down the stairs and out the front door. Today, I will pretend to be the happy, smiling girl I wish I could be.

  I gasp at the shiny silver sports car parked in front of my house. It looks like something from the future, sleek and gorgeous. And incredibly expensive. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Is that your new car?”

  She flashes her bright white smile and perfect teeth. “Yes. A present from Daddy for getting straight A’s last year.”

  I have to practically scrape my jaw off the porch. “You are way too spoiled.”

  “I know,” she says with a giggle. “Isn’t it great?”

  We get into the Audi and take off toward town. I don’t dare ask how much it cost, but I imagine it’s probably more than a couple years worth of tuition.

  Not that her parents can’t afford it. The Wrights are the richest family in town by a mile. Probably one of the richest families in the state of Georgia. Her dad owns the local factory, a business his grandfather opened in the early 1900’s. Of course, the Wright’s real money comes from cotton. Acres upon acres of cotton.

  My parents are well off, but when it comes to money, they aren’t even in the same zip code as Penny and Preston’s parents.

  Which is exactly why my mother nearly had a heart attack when I broke things off with Preston and decided to move away to go to school. She’d had her heart set on her little girl marrying into one of the wealthiest and most powerful families in the state. I’m pretty sure she already had my wedding all planned out since my first date with Preston at the end of sophomore year.

  Maybe that’s also one of the reasons she pushed so hard to get me back here.

  Penny pulls up to the cafe and parks behind a blue car with a Hello Kitty for President bumper sticker. I smile, knowing that can only belong to my friend Summer. She’s been crazy about Hello Kitty since she was three years old.

  “There they are.” Penny points and waves furiously at a group of girls sitting on the patio.

  I take a deep breath and step out of the car. Penny loops her arm in mine and practically drags me to the table.

  I study them as we get closer. Krystal looks exactly the same with her long, straight black hair and perfect tan. Summer has a bright pink streak in her hair and is wearing a tight black dress with pink straps that match. There’s no sign of Bailey, and to be honest, I’m relieved. The last time I spent any real time with Bailey was the night before Valentine's Day our senior year. She’d been naked and straddling my boyfriend at the time. Not that anyone knows that but me, Bailey and Preston.

  I’m glad she’s not here.

  Summer stands and scrunches her nose, holding her hands out to me.

  “You grew,” I tease as I hug her.

  She turns her shoe to the side so I can see her heels. “I got tired of being the short girl,” she says.

  “You look gorgeous.”

  “Thanks, so do you,” she says. “You haven’t changed one bit.”

  My heart aches at her words, but I don’t let it show on my face.

  Krystal stands, but waits for me to come to her. “Now come over here and grab a seat so we can roast you over the coals for ignoring us the past two years.”

  “I know. I totally suck,” I say, taking an empty chair. “I was always thinking about you.”

  “Sure you were,” Summer says. “Just like you were always calling and coming to visit and—”

  I shove her shoulder and laugh. “Okay, point taken.”

  “Well, you’re here now and we’re dying to hear what’s been going on since you left,” Krystal says. “You’re the only one who was brave enough to get the hell out of this podunk town. We want to hear about everything.”

  “Especially all the hot guys you’ve slept with so far,” Summer says.

  “Summer!” Penny slaps her hand down on the top of the table, then looks around as if she’s mortified someone will hear. Then she leans in and mock-whispers, “Okay, maybe just a few sexy stories. But not so many you make us all jealous.”

  Nerves knot in my stomach. I wish I could laugh and tell them all kinds of funny stories about the hot guys I dated. But there’s only one guy who comes to mind and there’s no way I’m going to talk about him right now. Or ever.

  Instead, I lie. “I know you’re going to hate me, but seriously, school swallowed me whole,” I say, staring at the menu and avoiding their probing looks. “My life is totally boring. I haven’t had any time to really date anyone since I got there. Besides, I want to hear what’s been going on with you guys. I really missed you.”

  That’s all it takes to steer the conversation away from myself. Over the past year or so, this is a game I’ve learned to play. Any time someone gets close to the truth or asks a question I can’t answer, I change the subject or ask them to talk about themselves. At school, it worked fine most of the time because I never really allowed myself to get close to anyone other than my roommate Sophy.

  But here? I’d been close to all of these girls once. We were like sisters back in the day.

  Will they eventually see through me and want to know the truth?

  I catch my mind wandering and force it back to the conversation. I smile at all the right times, laugh in all the right places, ask all the right questions. But how long will I really be able to keep up this act? It’s only been a few minutes and already I feel exhausted.

  After an hour, I’m beginning to wonder if I made the right decision coming home at all. It’s easier to hide on a college campus where there are thousands of students. Here in Fairhope, though, everyone knows me.

  Then, across the street, I see the one person in this town I only just met. And suddenly, I feel like I’m exactly where I am meant to be.

  Chapter Seven

  Penny waves her hand in front of my face, and I blink and turn my attention back to her and the rest of the girls.

  “Sorry, what were you saying?” I take a bite of my club sandwich even though I’m not very hungry.

  “Um, no,” she says. She turns deliberately and gawks at Knox across the street. “You can’t spend ten straight minutes staring at some guy across the street and then pretend it’s nothing. What’s up?”

  I tread lightly. “Do you know him?”

  All three girls turn to stare at him and he notices. A half-smile tugs at his lips and even from here, I can tell he’s looking right at me when he lifts his head in a nod of recognition. I want to die of embarrassment. When the others turn around, he goes back to unloading boxes from the back of his truck. I know I should look away, but every time he picks up a box, the muscles in his arm tighten against the sleeve of his black t-shirt and it does something to my insides. Plus, the guy just looks good in jeans.

  “That’s Knox Warner,” Summer says. “He moved here probably a few months after you left.”

  Krystal crinkles her nose and leans forward. “Don’t waste your time,” she says in a mock-whisper. “Trust me on this one.”

  I narrow my eyes at her, a weird tightness squeezes my chest.
“What do you mean? Did you guys go out or something?”

  She shakes her head and her eyes grow wide. “No, are you kidding me?” She leans forward even farther. “He moved here from Chicago or somewhere like that, but he spent something like three years in jail up there for drugs and assault. I heard he practically killed some guy with his bare hands.”

  My mouth drops open and I carefully close it and try to hide my shock. I look over at Knox, but have such a hard time reconciling the sweet guy who was so nice to me the other night to this story about a druggie who almost killed someone. I don’t buy it.

  “Does he work over there?” The answer is obvious, I guess, since he’s been unloading boxes for the past half hour. Still, I want to know. I want to understand why a guy like him would even move to a small town like this just to get a job at some dive bar.

  “It’s his uncle’s bar,” Penny says. “I think he works there full time to help them out and then he lives over their garage. He’s a loser, Leigh. Like Krystal said, don’t waste your time.” She smiles and sits back in her chair, a devilish look in her eyes. “Trust me, there are much prettier boys at the college parties. You’ll see.”

  “Oh yeah, and there’s one coming up,” Krystal says.

  Penny shoots her a look, and Krystal’s makes a face.

  “What?”

  “Well, there’s a party next weekend to celebrate the end of finals and beginning of the summer and everything, but it’s…” Krystal’s voice trails off and she looks to Penny, as if asking permission to keep talking.

  “Just spit it out already,” I say.

  “It’s Preston’s party,” Summer says finally.

  “So?” I don’t understand why that makes it such a secret. Yes, Preston and I dated for a few years. Did that suddenly mean I couldn’t be near him? “He doesn’t want me there?”

  “No,” Penny sits up and puts her hand on mine. “That’s not it at all. Of course Preston would love to have you there.”

  The three girls share another secretive look and I want to scream. What are we? Kindergartners? “Spill it.”

  Penny sighs and puts a dramatic hand against her chest. “I know it’s completely awkward and weird because we all grew up best friends and there’s supposed to be this secret pact that you never date your friend’s ex,” she begins.

  She’s rambling, stalling, but I’m way ahead of her.

  “Preston’s dating Bailey,” I say simply.

  The three of them have such pity in their eyes. It makes me want to claw them out. Do they really think this will be devastating news for me right now?

  “It’s fine,” I say with a shrug. I can tell from their expressions that no matter what I say, they’re still going to believe that this is awful news and that I’m just pretending I'm not crushed by it.

  “I should have told you sooner,” Penny says, “but we rarely ever kept in touch and it just never seemed like the right time to tell you, you know?”

  “Seriously, it’s fine.” I kind of want to tell them that I knew about Preston and Bailey long before they ever did, but I don’t want to get into that right now. Instead, I’m much more interested in the fact that there are only two more boxes in the back of Knox’s truck.

  I set my napkin down on the table, scoot my chair back, and stand.

  “Where are you going?”

  Three sets of sad puppy-dog eyes stare up at me. Poor Leigh Anne. They have no idea that Preston’s betrayal is nothing compared to what I’ve been through since.

  “I need to run across the street real quick,” I say. “I’ll be right back.”

  I don’t give any more explanation than that before I leave the patio, look both ways, and cross the street.

  Chapter Eight

  Knox pauses and watches as I cross the street toward him.

  I’m hyper-aware of how I look. How I walk. I try not to smile like a silly girl as I get closer. I also try to remind myself that he probably thinks I’m a lunatic. Or a bitch. And probably wants nothing to do with me.

  “Hey.” He’s sweating out here in the Georgia heat and lifts his shirt to wipe the sweat from his forehead. I catch a glimpse of toned abs and my breath catches in my throat.

  “Hey,” I manage, forcing my eyes to his.

  Which isn’t much better. Turns out his blue eyes are just as blue in the light of day.

  “How are you feeling? Any soreness in that shoulder?”

  “It’s a little worse today, to be honest.” I reach over and massage the area between my neck and shoulder. “I’m hoping it’s just temporary.”

  “You should really get it checked out.”

  I’m touched by his concern. He’s been nothing but ultra-sweet to me, and I’m just not able to believe he would hurt anyone on purpose. Whatever story Krystal heard, it was probably dumb, trumped-up rumor mill bullshit.

  “I’ll probably give it a couple of days,” I say. “I hate hospitals.”

  I have my reasons.

  He nods and squints in the bright sunlight beating down on him. “Me, too.”

  I stare down at my feet, wondering again how to express my gratitude for what he did the other night. “I wanted to thank you again,” I say. “And I wanted to apologize.”

  He lifts his head and adjusts his baseball cap. “For what?”

  “For all of it,” I say with a laugh. “For having to carry all my junk. For crying all over you. For the way my mother treated you.”

  He crosses his arms over his chest and leans back against the side of his truck. “Yeah, she wasn’t too friendly,” he says. “We can’t control who our parents are, though. You don’t ever have to apologize for her. And the rest of that stuff? I didn’t mind it at all.”

  He looks at me and I see there’s something haunted in his eyes too. Something I didn’t see the other night, but that flashed deep down when he mentioned parents. Something I recognize because it’s exactly the same expression I see in my own eyes when I look in the mirror. He’s been hurt by someone just like I have, and I wonder if it’s the kind of thing you only recognize when you’ve been there yourself.

  I want to ask him about it. Tell him I see it and I know what it’s like. But that would be crazy, right?

  Besides, if we start sharing secrets it’ll open up a whole can of worms I’m not sure I’m ready to open.

  He stares across at my friends, then looks down. “Your friends are staring at us like they never saw two people talking before.”

  I turn to look and the three of them all look away. Busted. I laugh. “They’re nosy.”

  “I recognize a couple of them from around town,” he says. “I think that girl with the pink hair has been in the bar a couple times. You guys been friends a long time?”

  I nod. “Since we were kids,” I say. “Most of us were born and raised here, so we all grew up together.”

  “But you don’t live here anymore?”

  I hesitate. What’s the real answer to this question? My parents decided it would be best for me to come home for the summer, but I fully planned on going back to school once the media coverage dies down. Now that I’m back, though, it’s hard to think about going back.

  “I’m in transition, I guess.” A gust of wind blows my hair all around my face and I gather it up in my fist and hold it back.

  “Well, what I was getting at was whether you planned on sticking around here for a little while or whether you were only here a few days,” he says.

  The question sparks fresh tingles along my skin. “I’ll be around all summer.”

  He smiles with his eyes. “That’s good news,” he says. He clears his throat and shifts his body weight from one foot to the other. It’s the first time I’ve seen him look anything less than perfectly confident since we met. “I was hoping maybe you’d let me take you out to dinner or something one of these days. If you have the time.”

  I want nothing more than to break out in a full smile and say hell yes, but something holds me back. Maybe it’s that
haunted look I saw earlier. There’s something there that tells me I could trust this guy. I could really let down my walls around him.

  Which is exactly why I need to walk away.

  Besides, I don’t need to go pulling him into the mess that is my life right now. Even if I am attracted to this guy, where could it possibly go? Nowhere, that’s where. So what’s the point?

  I push any potential happiness deep down and reach for my standard excuse instead. “I wish I could,” I say, “but it’s really not a good idea.”

  He doesn’t say anything at first. He studies me instead.

  “Why are you staring at me like that?”

  “I’m trying to decide if you really aren’t interested or if you’re just trying to protect yourself,” he says.

  His words hit way too close to home and a lump forms in my throat. I swallow it down and take a step back.

  I'm not used to people being so direct with me. I'm used to passive aggressive bullshit.

  “Maybe it’s you I’m trying to protect,” I say.

  His eyebrows tense, then release, and he shakes his head. “Why would I need protection from you?”

  I take another step back and shrug. “Because I’m like that windshield the other night,” I say. “All broken pieces and sharp edges.”

  “That doesn't scare me,” he says.

  I laugh and shake my head.

  “It probably should,” I say. “I'll see you around.”

  I cross the road back toward my friends, and even though I don’t dare look back, I can feel his eyes on me the whole time.

  Chapter Nine

  My phone is ringing.

  I run up the stairs and practically dive across my bed to reach it in time.

  I’m expecting a call from Penny with plans for a trip to the lake tomorrow. Only, it isn’t Penny. Caller ID reads Sophy and in an instant, it all comes back to me. I lay my head down on the comforter and close my eyes for a second. I’ve been home for almost a week and Mom was right, it’s been getting easier and easier to slip back into my old routines and my old life.

  And everything that happened at school is getting easier to ignore. I can’t forget it, but it’s one of those out-of-sight, out-of-mind things. The moment I see her name on my phone, though, I’m thrust right back to that place.