The Trouble With Goodbye Read online

  Chapter Three

  I stare out at the big brick house where I grew up. The front porch light is on, but the window in my parent’s bedroom on the second floor is dark. I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m not sure I can handle a fresh lecture about my car. I know they’ll be pissed I didn’t call the insurance company right away, but it can wait until tomorrow as far as I’m concerned.

  I twist the large rusted handle and the door of the truck creaks open.

  Knox gets out and goes around to the back to start unloading my things. I join him, taking the smaller suitcase and my large duffel bag.

  “If you just set it all here, I can carry it in,” I say.

  He ignores me and picks up the larger suitcase and one of the big boxes. “I got it,” he says. His eyes drift over the neighborhood and he gives a subtle shake of his head before looking at me. “Just lead the way.”

  There’s no use arguing, so I lead him up the walkway toward the front door. It takes three trips for us to get all my stuff onto the porch. I set down the box I’m carrying and reach under the fake potted plant and grab the key.

  Before I unlock the door, though, I turn to Knox. I’m not sure how to even say thank you for what he’s done for me tonight. I'm still holding the silver chain in my fist and I fidget with it as we stand there.

  “I really appreciate everything,” I say, but it doesn’t sound like enough. He’d held me for almost half an hour before I finally calmed down enough to say a word, which basically means this guy deserves the Olympic Gold Medal for kindness. The fact that he doesn’t even know me at all makes it practically evidence for sainthood.

  I open my mouth to say something more, but before I get the chance, the door beside me flies open.

  My heart drops to my stomach when I see the look on my mother’s face. She’s already judged this situation and she’s already pissed.

  “Leigh Anne?” She looks from me to Knox with a very deliberate turn of her head. She lifts her chin and grips the edge of the door. “What on earth is going on here? We were expecting you home hours ago.”

  “I know, I’m sorry,” I say. I spit the story out fast so she doesn’t have time to jump to any other conclusions about why I’m standing here in the middle of the night with a strange guy. “A deer ran out in front of my car and I swerved and ended up in a ditch instead. I didn’t have any cell service to call you, but luckily Knox here was driving by at just the right time. He was kind enough to load my things in his truck and bring me home.”

  “Good grief. How many times have I told you to slow down and pay better attention when you’re driving at night?” She makes a clicking sound with her tongue. “Is the car okay? It's practically brand new, Leigh Anne.”

  Knox clears his throat, but doesn’t say anything. I look up at him and he raises an eyebrow, probably waiting for me to come clean on just how fucked the car really is. But I’ll tell her later. Right now, all I want is to get upstairs and crawl into bed.

  “Do you know Knox, Mom?” I change the subject and it seems to distract her for the moment.

  She narrows her eyes at him, then leans over to get a better look at the beat-up old truck he’s driving. “No, I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.” She smiles, but her tone is filled with venom disguised as honey. Someone who doesn’t know her might not be able to pick up on it, but I recognize it right away. She uses it when she’s thinking something nasty about someone but doesn’t feel it’s socially appropriate to say it out loud. “Are you a student here at the university?”

  “No ma’am,” he says, taking me a bit by surprise. “I’m not really the college type.”

  My mother tugs at her robe, pulling it tighter across her body. “Oh. Well, it’s not for everyone, I suppose,” she says. An awkward silence falls around us. “Thank you very much for bringing my daughter home safely. You have a good night, now.”

  She’s basically kicking him off her property, and I am infinitely embarrassed by her rudeness.

  “Thank you ma’am.” He nods his head toward her, then looks at me. “It was really nice to meet you, Leigh Anne.”

  “You too,” I say. “Hopefully I’ll run into you around town sometime.”

  “I hope so,” he says.

  He holds my gaze and I get the feeling he wants to say something else. Instead, he turns and nods again to my mother before heading back toward his truck.

  I watch him go and feel the pull of regret. We shared something intense and I let him see me more vulnerable than anyone has in a very long time. If ever. It’s strange to see him just walk away without there being something more between us. Of course, between my crazy sobbing and my mother’s condescending tone, he's probably more than happy to be getting the hell out of here.

  The truck’s engine turns over a couple of times before it sputters to life. Knox throws it into gear and raises his hand in a half wave, then drives away, leaving me with a strange hollow feeling in my stomach.

  Chapter Four

  “Don’t just stand there putting on a show for all the neighbors,” she says. It’s one of her favorite expressions and I swear I’d be a millionaire if I had a dollar for every time I’d heard it growing up. “I’ll get your father up and have him bring your things in.”

  I pick up the overnight bag that has my toothbrush and other toiletries inside. “I hate to wake him up. I can bring them in.”

  “Don’t be silly, I got it,” my father calls from half-way down the staircase.

  He opens his arms and pulls me into a big bear hug. I lay my head against his chest and catch the faint scent of his aftershave.

  “How was your trip, pumpkin?”

  “She put her car in a ditch,” Mom says. “Some scruffy guy brought her home. Scared me to death. I thought someone was trying to break into the house. I was in the kitchen waiting for you to come through the back door like you always do. Then I looked out and saw that truck. My heart nearly stopped.”

  I want to scream. She’s so judgmental, it makes me want to pull all my hair out. “Well, if he hadn’t passed by when he did, I would have been stuck out there for who knows how long,” I remind her.

  “Thank goodness you’re okay,” Dad says. “What happened?”

  I tell him about the deer.

  His face twists with worry. “You were out on Harrison Farm Road? I’m telling you, that road is so dangerous. You’re probably the sixth or seventh person to get run off that road by a deer in the past couple years,” he says. He moves past me and begins bringing my things in and setting them down on the hardwoods. “I’ve stopped driving out that way all together if I can help it.”

  “Guess we’re going to have to call Milton and ask him to go out and get the car in the morning,” Mom says.

  “Any idea where you were on the road?” Dad asks as he brings in the last of the boxes and closes the door. “Or will he be able to see it fine from the road?”

  I know I should mention that the car is completely totaled, but I don’t have the energy. “Can’t miss it,” I say.

  My mother walks over and hugs my shoulders awkwardly. It’s the first time she’s attempted to hug me or welcome me home since she opened the door. “I know coming back here isn’t exactly what you had planned, but I really think it’s for the best,” she says. She pats my hand. “Once you get settled, you’ll see. You’ll finally be able to put this whole thing behind you once and for all.”

  I tense and pull away, reaching again for the bags at my feet. “I’m really tired,” I say. “It’s been a really long couple of days.”

  “Of course,” she says. She reaches up and brushes my hair from my eyes. “Get some sleep. It’ll be nice to have you sleeping safe and sound in your own bed tonight.”

  “Good night,” I say. I give each of them a quick kiss on the cheek, then head up the stairs and around the corner to my old room.

  Once inside, I throw my bags on the floor and shut the door behind me. I flip on the light and feel the weight of the past press
against my shoulders. A past I thought I’d exchanged for some great adventure.

  I'm still clutching the necklace in my hand. I walk over to my dresser and lay it across the top, brushing my fingertips across the engraving.

  I wish my grandmother was still alive so I could talk to her about all this. I wish I knew the right thing to do. But I stopped believing in myself a long time ago.

  Exhaustion weighs me down and I turn toward the bed. I don’t even bother brushing my teeth or changing my clothes. I reach up and pull the chain on the ceiling fan, plunging the room into complete darkness. I find my way under the covers and pull them tight around me, finally surrendering myself to sleep.

  Chapter Five

  It’s almost noon before I roll out of bed and get in the shower. I turn the water up as hot as it will go and take my time.

  When I’m dressed and I know I can’t avoid it any longer, I head downstairs to the kitchen where I know I’ll find my mother.

  “Good morning.” There’s a knot in my stomach as I wait for her to tear me apart for destroying the car. I’m sure Milton’s called by now to say the car was in a lot worse shape than I let on.

  Mom sets her coffee mug down on the table and jumps up from her spot. Her arms wrap around my neck and she pulls me close, shocking the hell out of me. This is so not the reaction I was expecting.

  I put my arms around her and suddenly we’re really hugging each other for the first time in years.

  “Oh, Leigh Anne, why didn’t you tell us how bad your accident was last night?” Her voice is a scratchy whisper. She pulls out of the hug and takes both of my hands in hers. She looks me up and down. Her forehead is fixed in a worried series of harsh wrinkles. “We should have taken you straight to the emergency room. Milton sent me a snapshot of that car and, oh my god, you could have been killed.”

  There are actual tears forming in her eyes. I don’t know what to say.

  “I didn’t want you to be mad about the car.” As soon as the words hit my tongue, I know I sound like a scared teenager rather than a twenty-year-old woman.

  “Your father and I don’t care about that car. We can always just buy you a new one,” she says. "I feel awful for the way I acted last night. I should have been kissing that boy’s feet for rescuing you and bringing you home. I can’t imagine how scared you must have been.”

  I shrug, but I’m actually really relieved. One less argument that needs to happen between us.

  “I’m not hurt,” I say, not that she’s actually asked me how I’m feeling. “My shoulder and my neck are both sore, but it’s nothing major.”

  “Here, come sit down.” She pulls a chair out from the table and pats the back of it. “Do you want some coffee? I have some stuff to make sandwiches if you’re hungry. Or pancakes? Do you want me to make you some pancakes?”

  I smile, then walk past her to get my own mug out of the pantry. “I can get my own coffee, Mom, it’s fine.”

  Her shoulders relax and she nods. “Of course you can,” she says. She sits back down at her place where she’s been reading a gardening magazine. “Did you want to eat lunch here, then? Or go out? We could go to the club if you wanted to get out of the house for a while. Why don't you give Preston or Penny a call? Let them know you're back in town. They'll be dying to see you.”

  Preston is the guy I dated for two years in high school. The guy my mother desperately wants me to end up with, even now. Probably especially now.

  Penny is his twin sister and was my best friend growing up.

  I should want to see them, but the thought of facing them right now makes me feel nauseous. Will they be able to tell I'm different?

  I pour my coffee and fill it with cream and sugar. “I think I want to stay kind of close to home for a few days if that’s okay,” I say. “I’m not sure I’m ready to face everyone right now.”

  She presses her lips into a thin line. “I know it’s been tough for you the past year, but I really think you will be so glad you decided to come home.”

  We’ve had this conversation before. She never wanted me to go off to school in the first place, so as soon as she found out what happened, she was pushing me to move back home. At the time, I swore I would never move back here. Not because of him. It would be like giving him some kind of control over me.

  When Molly came forward a few months ago, I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

  “Besides, it’s not like any of your friends know what happened, thank goodness.” She flips the page of her magazine.

  I grip my mug tighter. She is completely clueless about what I’m going through. About what I’ve been going through all this time. All she thinks about is how it would look if the truth got out. She worries what her friends would think and how prospective rich husbands might pass right on by if they knew I was damaged goods.

  She doesn’t come out and say all those things, but I know her well enough to know that’s what she means.

  I want to tell her that no one knowing is part of the problem. It’s not easy to carry a secret like this around and never be able to really talk to anyone about what it was like for me. The thought of hanging out with all my friends and having to pretend I’m the same—that this event has not altered me forever—is pure torture. She thinks by moving here and slipping back into my old life, I’ll be able to move on and forget.

  Only, this isn’t the kind of thing I can forget. I've tried.

  Instead, it hangs over me like a shroud and with every day that goes by, I feel more and more alone in this world.

  I know she doesn’t understand. She truly thinks she’s doing what’s best for me. And I don’t know. Maybe she’s right. Maybe Fairhope is where I belong.

  Where I’ve always belonged.

  I just need a few days to convince myself of that before I dive head-first back into a life I thought I left behind.

  Chapter Six

  The following afternoon, I’m just stepping out of the shower when the doorbell rings.

  I throw on a pair of jeans and a pink tank top and poke my head out of my bedroom door, listening. Mom answers the door, and I recognize the voice of the visitor instantly.

  Penny.

  Excitement and dread clash inside my stomach. I’ve missed her so much, but at the same time, I’m scared I won’t have anything to say to her anymore. Or that I’ll be so different she’ll instantly know I’m broken.

  “Where is she? I’m dying to see her.”

  “She’s—” My mother begins, but she doesn’t need to finish.

  As soon as I step onto the top of the stairs, Penny squeals and throws her arms open wide. “Leigh Anne!”

  I smile and run down the steps to meet her. We hold tight to each other for a long time and I wonder what I was so nervous for.

  “I cannot believe you’re actually home,” she says when we finally pull apart. “Let me look at you.”

  She steps back and studies me from head to toe.

  “I don’t know how it’s possible, but I think you’ve actually gotten more beautiful,” she says. “You bitch.”

  I laugh and run my fingers through my wet hair. “Shut up, my hair is dripping wet and I don’t even have any makeup on.” I motion for her to follow me up the stairs. My mom waves and retreats back to the kitchen. “You’re the one who looks amazing. Look at your hair!”

  She twirls on the landing and strikes a pose. “You like it?”

  “I love it.”

  Penny has always had very long, dark hair. In fact, she went for years in high school refusing to let a single hair be cut. When I left Fairhope, her hair had been well past her ass. Now, though, it’s cut in a stacked bob that’s short in the back and gets gradually longer in the front. She also looks like she’s lost about twenty pounds.

  “I thought you were never going to cut your hair,” I say. We get to my bedroom and I grab a brush from my bathroom sink. “When did you change your mind?”

  “Gosh, it’s been probably a year now,” she says. “
I change it all the time. It’s like once I gave in and decided to change my hair, I got addicted to it. And I've been working out like a crazy person, not that Mason seems to notice.”

  A wave a guilt washes over me. We used to share absolutely everything and now it’s been more than a year since I’ve even spoken to her. Mason is Preston's best friend and she's had a huge crush on him for forever. I can't believe she's still hung up on him after all this time.

  “I really should have kept in touch better,” I say.

  “I know, me too,” she says, hugging me again. “I missed you like crazy. When your mom called mine and said you were home, I almost died. I seriously couldn’t get here fast enough. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home for the summer? You should have called me the second you got into town.”

  I bite my tongue. My mom was always doing this sort of thing. Even though I told her I wanted to take this one step at a time and ease back into life here in Fairhope, she took matters into her own hands. Indirectly, of course, but still incredibly manipulative.

  “It was kind of a last minute decision,” I tell her. “I needed a couple of days just to recover from the drive.” Not exactly the truth, but true enough.

  “I’m sure, and Mom said you were in some kind of car accident out near Harrison’s? What happened?”

  I fill her in on the wreck and am actually glad we have something to talk about that doesn’t involve questions about my life in Boston.

  “What a nightmare,” she says, but then lights up. “Ooh, so does this mean you get to pick out a new car? You should see my new car. It’s outrageous.”

  The two of us fall back into conversation as if we’d barely spent any time apart. I finish getting ready as she fills me in on everything that’s been going on with our old friends and about all the cute guys who have come into town since I left.

  Knox Warner’s face flashes in my mind. I’m not surprised she doesn’t mention him. He’s definitely hot, but he’s not exactly Penny’s type. She only dates guys who come with a trust fund and a fast car.